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What Happens When Death Occurs

What happens when you die?

When death is expected, it often arrives quietly, creating a moment to simply be present. Regardless of beliefs, this transition is significant. Take your time; it’s a moment for stillness. When ready, inform family members and, during the day, contact your doctor for legal certificates. Know your loved one’s wishes regarding post-death care, such as cremation, which requires a second doctor’s approval. This can also be a time for family to discuss and plan the next steps together.

For step by step instructions on what to do when someone has died, visit

https://www.govt.nz/browse/family-and-whanau/death-and-bereavement/what-to-do-someone-dies/

Watch this Hospice NZ video here on what to expect when someone is dying:

When someone dies, the first thing to do is nothing.

Don’t run out and call the nurse. Don’t pick up the phone. Take a deep breath and be present to the magnitude of the moment.

There’s a grace to being at the bedside of someone you love as they make their transition out of this world. At the moment they take their last breath, there’s an incredible sacredness in the space. The veil between the worlds opens.

We’re so unprepared and untrained in how to deal with death that sometimes a kind of panic response kicks in. “They’re dead!”

We knew they were going to die, so their being dead is not a surprise. It’s not a problem to be solved. It’s very sad, but it’s not cause to panic.

If anything, their death is cause to take a deep breath, to stop, and be really present to what’s happening. If you’re at home, maybe put on the kettle and make a cup of tea.

Sit at the bedside and just be present to the experience in the room. What’s happening for you? What might be happening for them? What other presences are here that might be supporting them on their way? Tune into all the beauty and magic.

Pausing gives your soul a chance to adjust, because no matter how prepared we are, a death is still a shock. If we kick right into “do” mode, and call 111, or call the hospice, we never get a chance to absorb the enormity of the event.

Give yourself five minutes or 10 minutes, or 15 minutes just to be. You’ll never get that time back again if you don’t take it now.

After that, do the smallest thing you can. Call the one person who needs to be called. Engage whatever systems need to be engaged, but engage them at the very most minimal level. Move really, really, really, slowly, because this is a period where it’s easy for body and soul to get separated.

Our bodies can gallop forwards, but sometimes our souls haven’t caught up. If you have an opportunity to be quiet and be present, take it. Accept and acclimatise and adjust to what’s happening. Then, as the train starts rolling, and all the things that happen after a death kick in, you’ll be better prepared.

You won’t get a chance to catch your breath later on. You need to do it now.

Being present in the moments after death is an incredible gift to yourself, it’s a gift to the people you’re with, and it’s a gift to the person who’s just died. They’re just a hair’s breadth away. They’re just starting their new journey in the world without a body. If you keep a calm space around their body, and in the room, they’re launched in a more beautiful way. It’s a service to both sides of the veil.

Sarah Kerr, Death Doula

Caring for the body naturally at home

It is an honour to care for a loved one at home, as was always done in recent times, though many of us have lost the confidence and skills to do this.

The most important thing is to keep the body as cool as possible, as this slows down deterioration. If a person is not embalmed, this process starts as soon as someone dies.

In most cases you can usually have your loved one at home with proper care and management until their farewell, though this is not always a given.  Even by taking all steps and precautions, you are negotiating with nature to slow the process of deterioration, and timing can vary.

Te Atawhai Aroha holds regular sessions for the community on Natural Body Care of a loved one after death. If you are interested in registering to attend one of these sessions, please contact us on comcomrotorua@gmail.com.

Washing and caring for the body / tūpāpaku naturally, and cooling the body as soon as possible, helps to enable grieving whānau to stay beside their loved one from death to burial.

Natural after-death care is about honouring the tūpāpaku/body with dignity and aroha. Caring for your loved one yourself or as a whānau can mean minimising or avoiding using a Funeral Director as well as embalming. Using natural body care and cooling, alongside their cultural or spiritual traditions can honour your loved one with aroha and dignity.

It is important to note that you can still ask a Funeral Director to help with some or all of the tasks involved. A Funeral Director can offer support if you need it but they will charge you for their time.

 

Please note, the following information is a guide only and you should seek advice from a trained professional if you have no prior knowledge or experience of Natural Body Care.

 

Immediately After Death at home – Simple Guidelines

A Doctor or medical professional will need to declare the death and sign the medical/ death certificate. While you are waiting for this to happen, keep the body as cool as possible by using ice packs on the abdomen and keeping the room as cool as possible.

 

Arrange a form of cooling by either supplying your own ice packs or contacting Te Atawhai Aroha to buy Maanaki Mats and hire the portable freezer or hire the Cooling Platform. Contact details are at the end of this information sheet.

  • Lay the tūpāpaku / body on their back, with arms gently at the sides or across the chest. You can use a regular bed sheet to slide under the body, whether they have died on a couch, chair or bed and move them to the place where you would like to complete the Natural Body Care. 

 

  • Place the plastic drop down first to catch any water while you are performing the cleansing process. Prepare the two buckets and line each with a bin liner to catch rubbish and washing.

 

  • Put on PPE including shoe covers, hair net, gloves, body apron and a mask if you want to be fully protected.

 

  • Undress the body and lay a sheet over the body to maintain dignity. Thoroughly assess the tūpāpaku / body by looking for obvious signs such as a swollen abdomen, fluids leaking from the mouth, nose, bladder and rectum and the overall shape of the body. If the death occurred hours before, has not been cooled and decomposition has already started, calling a Funeral Director is the best option.

 

  • If there is rigor mortis, gently but firmly massage the limbs and push against the rigor until it subsides. The limbs can then be gently rested in place either against their sides or gently rested across the chest.

 

  • Place a cloth between the legs and void the bladder by using a rolled up towel and gently pressing down and towards the pelvis. Any accumulated urine will drain out. Remove the towels and place in one of the bin liners in a bucket.

 

  • Spray antibacterial spray under the fingernails and hands to kill any germs. Using the forceps, soak cotton balls in antibacterial spray and wipe the insides of the mouth, cheeks and gums to kill any germs. Dispose all waste in one of the lined bins for disposal.

 

  • Begin with a ‘small clean’. Prepare a bowl of warm water and drop a small piece of the soap in to dissolve. Use a muslin cloth to clean the face of any fluids. Use cotton buds to clean the creases of the eyes and gently close the eyelids if they are open. You can also cut fingernails, and tidy up the body as your loved one would have preferred i.e. pluck eyebrows etc.

 

  • Gently shampoo and condition the hair with minimal product and gently rinse off, catching the water in a towel. Dry the hair and comb or brush how your loved one would have preferred.

 

  • For men, gently shave the stubble if needed, wiping with a clean towel.

 

  • Prepare a small bowl with aqueous cream. Using the forceps, dip cotton wool balls into the cream and then place into the throat cavity gently blocking the throat. You will feel resistance when there is enough. (Can be between 6 to 10 cotton wool balls). This will help stop any fluids from coming out the mouth. You can also put a few drops of essential oil into the mouth to keep it smelling nice. Gently prop the head up with a rolled up towel on a 45 degree angle to help also.

 

  • Using a makeshift rolled towel or a pool noodle under the chin or gently tying a scarf under the chin and around the head will gently close the mouth.

 

  • Move on to a ‘big clean’. Prepare a clean bowl of water and drop in another piece of soap to dissolve. Use another muslin cloth to wipe down the entire body from head to toe. Do the genitals last. Clean up any faeces around the bottom using antibacterial wipes and dispose of them in the waste bucket.

 

  • Using the forceps and cotton wool ball dipped in more aqueous cream, insert gently into the rectum until you feel resistance. This will stop any faeces from leaking out. You can also use an adult diaper for added protection.

 

  • Using a clean bowl of water, put a few drops of essential oils in and with a clean cloth, do a final wipe down of the body to keep it smelling fresh.

 

  • Dress the tūpāpaku / body gently, avoiding rolling or sitting the body / tūpāpaku up as much as possible. Dressing and moving can be done with gentle firm pressure.

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  • Apply a thick layer of new aqueous cream to the face to maintain the moisture. This can be removed before viewing by using a wipe to gently remove.

 

  • Remove the PPE, taking the gloves off last, leaving them inside out. Dispose of the PPE in the bin.

 

  • Immediately start the cooling process by using Maanaki mats placed over the abdomen or move the tūpāpaku to the Cooling Platform as soon as possible.
  • Small pillow
  • Two sheets
  • Tie/scarf/bandage to keep mouth closed
  • Flannels, towels
  • Large bowl for bathing water
  • Large jug for hair water
  • Rice eye pillow
  • Incontinence pads/adult nappies
  • Essential oils or soaps
  • Large rubbish bag
  • Medical gloves
  • Bucket
  • Cotton buds/cotton balls
  • Tub of Aqueous cream
  • Shampoo
  • Brush/comb
  • Tweezers
  • Shaving kit
  • Nail clippers/nose/ear hair trimmer

Optional Items

  • Candles
  • Music
  • Baby wipes
  • Hairdryer
  • Steri strip tape
  • Lip balm (lips may become dry)
  • Scissors
  • Vaseline

Unexpected Death

The sudden death of someone you know can be emotionally challenging, especially if the cause is unclear. In such cases, calling 111 will prompt responses from police, fire services, and an ambulance.

Sudden Death and the Coroner

For unexpected deaths – especially those that are violent or suspicious – the police notify a coroner. If a doctor is uncertain about the cause, they also report it. The coroner investigates the circumstances of the death and seeks to identify ways to prevent similar incidents in the future. This helpful video explains the role of the Coroner, who is always involved if the death is sudden or unexpected. It is in both English and Te Reo.

For a detailed explanation of the roles of those involved after an unexpected death and questions to ask , click here.

After a Suicide

After the suicide of someone close to you, the first days and weeks can seem like a blur. To help you in this tough time, including details about loss and grief, practical matters, and where to find support, here are some helpful contacts –

After a Homicide

To have someone in your family/whānau killed by someone else is a tragic,
traumatic, complicated, and difficult life experience.
Victim Support has staff and volunteers who train to be there for people faced with a
difficult situation. See the web link below or call 0800 842 846:

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